#9 Realized

Before I start, I'm going to take a minute to explain two things: the premises of both this post and the next. This post is one of the things I should've realized. Every nine posts, I will write about something I wish that I'd realized or known when I was in high school. Same idea as Things I Should've Done, but with a more abstract twist. As well, every five posts will be what I'm calling an input post in which I'll pose a question via Facebook and post my readers' answers (anonymously, of course). All five-increment input posts will follow a format similar to post number five, Taken a Chance. Like I said before, the questions will be posted on Facebook days before I write the post. In fact, as post number ten is quickly approaching, I have posted the question on my blog's Facebook page! Be sure to check it out. And "like" the page while you're at it!

Okay, enough with the marketing. One of the biggest things I wish I'd realized earlier is that you can't make everyone happy. No matter how hard you try, it's pretty much impossible. I've spent the majority of my life as a people-pleaser. Yes, I know I haven't lived that long, but I have been living this way for too long. I think to some degree I'll always be a people-pleaser. I've always been the type of person that would rather be upset than to make someone else upset. I couldn't tell you why, but I can tell you that trying to please other people all the time takes away from pleasing yourself. I wish that I'd known that it's not a selfish thing to put your own happiness first. Guess what, you're a constant in your life; the people around you are variables. And when you think about it, people-pleasing can come in the silliest, pettiest ways imaginable. You worry that if you don't respond to every tweet or Facebook wall post that people will never write again. You worry that if you don't say yes to every plan or request or have a "good reason" for saying no that you will massively offend the person asking. You worry that because you haven't heard back from someone that you've done something wrong. You accept less-than-ideal behavior from those you are close to because you don't want to rock the boat by speaking up. After meeting someone, you wonder if you've met their expectations. You're generally more lenient and understanding with others than you are with yourself. I'd like to think that I've been making progress in getting away from trying to people-please all the time. I can't say that I'm completely cured, but I have learned a thing or two. People-pleasing is absolutely exhausting and it takes time away from pleasing yourself. It's futile to try and make everyone happy all the time. Frankly, the universe rewards a backbone. It pays off to stick up for yourself, to tell the truth, and to make tough decisions. You're no good to anyone if you run yourself to the ground trying to please everyone. I've always heard that you have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy, and as I've gotten older I've realized how true this assertion actually is. When you give yourself happiness, you can then start to give back to those worthy of your love and attention. Face it, you can't make everyone happy. You have two choices: you can spend your time worrying about other people, which I highly discourage (see post #7), or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely moving forward with the latter choice.