#9 Realized

Before I start, I'm going to take a minute to explain two things: the premises of both this post and the next. This post is one of the things I should've realized. Every nine posts, I will write about something I wish that I'd realized or known when I was in high school. Same idea as Things I Should've Done, but with a more abstract twist. As well, every five posts will be what I'm calling an input post in which I'll pose a question via Facebook and post my readers' answers (anonymously, of course). All five-increment input posts will follow a format similar to post number five, Taken a Chance. Like I said before, the questions will be posted on Facebook days before I write the post. In fact, as post number ten is quickly approaching, I have posted the question on my blog's Facebook page! Be sure to check it out. And "like" the page while you're at it!

Okay, enough with the marketing. One of the biggest things I wish I'd realized earlier is that you can't make everyone happy. No matter how hard you try, it's pretty much impossible. I've spent the majority of my life as a people-pleaser. Yes, I know I haven't lived that long, but I have been living this way for too long. I think to some degree I'll always be a people-pleaser. I've always been the type of person that would rather be upset than to make someone else upset. I couldn't tell you why, but I can tell you that trying to please other people all the time takes away from pleasing yourself. I wish that I'd known that it's not a selfish thing to put your own happiness first. Guess what, you're a constant in your life; the people around you are variables. And when you think about it, people-pleasing can come in the silliest, pettiest ways imaginable. You worry that if you don't respond to every tweet or Facebook wall post that people will never write again. You worry that if you don't say yes to every plan or request or have a "good reason" for saying no that you will massively offend the person asking. You worry that because you haven't heard back from someone that you've done something wrong. You accept less-than-ideal behavior from those you are close to because you don't want to rock the boat by speaking up. After meeting someone, you wonder if you've met their expectations. You're generally more lenient and understanding with others than you are with yourself. I'd like to think that I've been making progress in getting away from trying to people-please all the time. I can't say that I'm completely cured, but I have learned a thing or two. People-pleasing is absolutely exhausting and it takes time away from pleasing yourself. It's futile to try and make everyone happy all the time. Frankly, the universe rewards a backbone. It pays off to stick up for yourself, to tell the truth, and to make tough decisions. You're no good to anyone if you run yourself to the ground trying to please everyone. I've always heard that you have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy, and as I've gotten older I've realized how true this assertion actually is. When you give yourself happiness, you can then start to give back to those worthy of your love and attention. Face it, you can't make everyone happy. You have two choices: you can spend your time worrying about other people, which I highly discourage (see post #7), or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely moving forward with the latter choice.

#8 Learned to Cook

How many of you have ever seen the movie Chocolat? If so, you'll totally understand the thought process behind this post. If not, go watch it. The 2000 film based on the novel of the same name written by Joanne Harris tells the story of a young mother, played by the beautiful Juliette Binoche, who arrives at the fictional French town of Lansquenet-sous-Tannes (even sounds beautiful, doesn't it?) with her six year old daughter and opens a small chocolateire called La Chocolaterie Maya. Her chocolate quickly begins to change the lives of the people in this small, repressed village. Just seeing the window displays are enough to make anyone watching long for a truffle or two. Ever seen the movie Julie & Julia? You probably have seen that one or at least heard of it. (It was a lot more mainstream than Chocolat.) This movie drove foodies and regular people alike into the theaters. It follows the story of blogger Julie Powell played by Amy Adams who attempts to cook her way through legendary chef Julia Child's - played by Oscar-winning actress Meryl Streep - cookbook. Really, the movie shows the parallel stories of two women chasing their dreams. The message of the movie is about how Child lived her life: follow your dream, it doesn't always have to be perfect, and never apologize for the first two. What about Disney's Ratatouille? This animated gem is an Oscar-winning animated film about the adventures of aspiring chef Remy. Wait, did I mention he is a rat? Well, he is. In the movie, Remy tries to achieve his goal of becoming a chef at a French restaurant by forming an alliance with a Parisian restaurant's garbage boy, Linguini, who thinks he can't cook. Using Linguini's human hands and Remy's cooking talent, both characters are able to find their greater purposes in life. As we've seen from these three movies alone, cooking can be a wonderful source of happiness. Seeing something you've created and that is good can really be a rewarding experience. Not only should we learn to cook because we're going off on our own and need this valuable skill, but also because it can be a great experience. Sure, our truffles may not change the lives of the people around us and we may not inspire someone to cook our entire cookbook, but we can make ourselves feel like we did something worthwhile. Why learn to cook? Besides being a basic lifeskill, cooking can instill a feeling of accomplishment and pleasure. And who knows, you may have some untapped creativity waiting for you in the culinary world. I think it's important that I learn how to cook before I go off to college. Anyone can cook. If you can follow directions, then you can cook. (Well in that case, maybe not everyone can cook.) My challenge to you is, obviously, to learn how to cook. Next time your mom is making that pasta for dinner, ask her if you can help. Or maybe make a batch of sugar cookies to start! Oh and guys, girls love a man who can cook. Just saying.

#7 Worried Less

As teenagers, we spend a great amount of our time worrying. What did we have for homework? What am I going to wear to the party on Saturday? Will he ever text me back? What did I get on the SAT? When am I going to have time to go to the gym? Should I ask her to the dance? Where am I going to college next year? It's all-consuming. When we think about it, the amount of time we spend worrying could be spent on doing things that are far more productive. We could be doing that homework, picking out that outfit, studying for that SAT, going to that gym, asking her to that dance, and applying to that college. (I can't guarantee he'll text you, but regardless, that shouldn't be a worry.) Why worry? If we take all possible worries seriously, then mentally, we'll never be able to take a risk. I've realized recently that I've spent far too much time worrying about things. When I think about all the time I wasted, I'm saddened because I realize how useless it was. Things will never (well, almost never) happen the way you imagine. When you worry, you're predicting the future, saying "I know things will turn out badly." We could not possibly know how the future is going to turn out, so why worry? Worrying means surrendering your power over your own life. When we worry, we are hindering ourselves of the ability to be proactive. As humans, we can control how we react to situations that arise in our lives, but worrying takes away this ability. Worrying is completely unproductive. Instead, we should be spending our time on something that is actually productive - like going to the gym or doing your homework. Worrying is damaging to both your physical and mental health. And most importantly, worrying is not natural. Do little children worry? No. Do animals worry? No. Do all adults worry? No. There is nothing inherent in being human that means you have to worry. Worrying is a distortion of our natural, healthy state. Mark Twain, arguably the master of quotes, once said, "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." While I can't say that I'm old, I can definitely relate. Most of the troubles I've been through in my life have only happened in my head. I think most teenagers can relate to this as well. Who would've thought we would've ever appreciated Mark Twain so much? In order to combat this useless worrying, I've adopted a certain thought process that has really changed me. Whenever I start to worry about something, I think to myself, "Is this going to matter to me in five years?" And guess what, the answer is usually no. Worrying is using your imagination to create things that you don't want. How could that possibly help us at all? Worrying solves nothing. So stop doing it.

#6 Written a Personal Manifesto

Every time I hear the word "manifesto," I am immediately taken back to my eleventh grade Social Justice class in which we learned about Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels' 1848 publication The Communist Manifesto. One of the world's most influential and political manuscripts, it presented an analytical approach to the historical and present class struggle and the problems of capitalism and tells Marx and Engels' theories about the nature of society and politics. It briefly features their ideas for how the capitalist society of the time would eventually be replaced by socialism, and then eventually by communism. Okay, enough with the history lesson. The point is that Marx and Engels, by publishing their manifesto, were able to publicly declare their political beliefs. They were also able to make manifest the ideals they felt were relevant to the world at large at the time. The Communist Manifesto has been recognized as one of the world's most influential political manuscripts. In all honesty, I do not wish to have written a document that will go down in political history. When I say that I wish I would've written a manifesto, I mean that I wish I would've written a more personal manifesto. According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, a manifesto is "a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer." Issuing a personal manifesto can introduce the world to who you are and what you believe, but perhaps the most important person a personal manifesto introduces you to is, in fact, yourself. At this age, there really is nothing more important than getting to know yourself. What better way to do that than to sit and jot down what you believe on a piece of paper? I've never actually done this, but I think it's definitely something I need to do. I feel like I have to know who I am before I can move on with my life. Before I graduate and go off to college, I think it would be a good thing to have a slight idea as to who I am. Yes, I know I'll change as I get older, but I think we are shaped the most towards the end of our teenage years. By proclaiming to ourselves what we believe, we will be able to have a solid base moving forward. What could be more important than that? Now how do you write a personal manifesto? Here's how: 

Step One: Establish your personal ideals, beliefs, and goals by writing statements about who you are on a deep level. Having trouble? Write statements such as, "I am ____," "I wish ____," "I believe ____," "I fear ____," "I love ____," "Happiness is ____," and "Right now I ____" on a piece of paper, then fill in the blanks. The more honest with yourself you are, the better.

Step Two: Ask yourself questions such as: What are my strengths? My weaknesses? Is this what the people who know me would say about me?

Step Three: Decide what the theme is from the statements you have written. Write an opening sentence that encapsulates this theme. Having trouble? Come back to this step later.

Step Four: Write the body of your manifesto by turning your thoughts from steps one and two into concrete beliefs and goals.

Step Five: Choose a title for your manifesto. Make sure it describes you.

Step Six: Build a support network of friends and family who can help you live out your manifesto. Not to worry, if you have true friends and family who love you, this should not be too difficult.

Step Seven: Develop a plan for living out the principles listed in your manifesto.

And there you have it! Personal manifesto done! Just try it. Writing a manifesto may just be the thing that helps you realize who you really are. You may not have as many readers as Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, but as long as you know what you believe, that's all that matters. Oh and if you're wondering where my manifesto is, I'm here to tell you that I'll be writing one in the near future. So how about you join me?

My favorite personal manifesto written by the beautiful Audrey Hepburn.

(Personal Manifesto How-To inspired by eHow Contributor Derek M. Kwait)

#5 Taken a Chance

Take every chance. Drop every fear. Sounds like the ideal way to live, doesn't it? Well I think that's easier said than done especially as a teenager. Regret is a common emotion for a teenager, with some exceptions of course. It obviously is for me since the theme of this very blog is things I should've done. I don't necessarily think that regret is a bad thing, though. I think regret can help us live better in the future. By thinking about the things you should've done, you prevent yourself from making those same mistakes again. I recently took a chance in my life. It really was no huge deal, but it made me feel bold. It was something I wouldn't normally do, and I think that's what made it so cool. Even still, there are things I wish I would've done. (But you'll hear about those later.) Think about something you wish you would've taken a chance on. I've spent a long time wishing that I had taken a chance. While I wish I had, I've accepted the regret that came with it. That regret made me want to take that small chance a few days ago. Like I said, regret is a part of life (with some exceptions of course), so we may as well embrace it and learn to use it to make us the person we want to be. Turn regret into satisfaction. Sure, regret may sound like a girly emotion, but boys regret things too! So girls, don't worry. It comes in many forms, and people experience it in different ways, regardless of gender. I asked some of my friends - boys and girls - what they regret not taking a chance on. I was surprised not only to hear their responses, but also at the fact that they were pretty similar for both genders. From the girls I got regrets about boys and relationships and trying out new things at school, and from the boys I got regrets about girls and relationships and trying out new things at school. I was shocked at how similar we are. They may say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but I actually think we're a lot more alike than we thought. Here are some of the things they said:

"I wish I would've accepted the date from the shy one instead of declining, because I gave up the chance at a great relationship."

"I wish I would've just told them how I feel about them."

"I wish I would've asked them to a dance before senior year."

"I wish I would've fully appreciated my first kiss instead of thinking the entire time "This is awkward, this is awkward. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."


"I wish I would've said exactly what I felt when I felt it."

"I wish I would've gone out for sports or for the play. I've always been scared."

"I wish I would've handled my relationships better. You see a person that you could've had with someone else and they seem so happy, and all you think is 'That could've been us.'"

"I wish I would've tried out for sports in general."

"I wish I would've just taken a chance and not been embarrassed."

"I wish I would've been more outgoing throughout my life. Until this year, I was never the first to volunteer for anything because I was afraid people would make fun of me for whatever reason. I've gotten over it and this is the happiest I've ever been. I just wish I'd realized it sooner."

"I wish I would've played a sport or taken singing lessons."

"I wish I would've stuck with a journal."

"I wish I would've not been so scared to try things. Sometimes I make excuses because I think I'm not good enough."

So can you tell which ones are girls and which ones are boys? Yeah, most of them I can't tell either. Regret is an emotion that most teenagers possess. It is not specific to gender. It does not discriminate. It is not necessarily a bad thing either because it can teach you to just take chances in the future. Just take the chance. Jump in with both feet. In twenty years, you'll be more disappointed by what you didn't do than by what you did.

#4 Had a Picnic

Picture this. You're with your best friends in the entire world and you go to a park. It's the most picturesque park you could possibly think of. Your friend is carrying a classic woven basket. You guys are all laughing and having a good time, just enjoying being with each other. You guys finally decide on a spot - one that will look good in the pictures you plan on taking - and your friend carrying the basket sets it down. She opens the basket and gets out a red and white checkered blanket that you guys are going to sit on. Smiles on your faces, you sit down and your friend begins getting everything out of the basket - the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the strawberries, the lemonade, the homemade chocolate chip cookies. You look around at your friends and think of how lucky you are to be at this place. Now think about this. Your boyfriend says he wants to surprise you. He puts a blindfold over your eyes and ties it tight. You ask him what's going on. He says to trust him. You say okay with a smile on your face. He leads you to a grassy area and tells you to take off your blindfold. Sitting before you is a beautiful picnic. The kind that only shows up in the movies or on TV. You can't help but think to yourself how lucky you are. Think about it. The picnic is pretty much an icon to Americans. Think about it. Every picture you've ever seen of people having a picnic depicts the epitome of happiness. I know I've never seen someone on a picnic who's unhappy. So why have I never done it? I couldn't tell you, but it's definitely something I wish I would've done whether it be with a boy or with my best friends. Sure, I've eaten outside, but you and I both know it's not the same. I want the classic picnic scene. I want the movie picnic. I want the TV picnic. I want the happiness and pure joy of something so simple as eating outside on that checkered blanket with my best friends. Though I've never had this experience before, I hope it's one that I will have in the future. I encourage you all to find happiness in the simple pleasures of life. Go on a picnic. Enjoy the sunlight. Soak up that Vitamin D. If it starts to rain, that's okay too. Perfect opportunity to run around in the rain! Just have a picnic. Find your friends, put on your best sundress and sunglasses, pack a basket, and go.

"There are few things so pleasant as a picnic eaten in perfect comfort."

-W. Somerset Maugham

#3 Laid Under the Stars

There's something beautiful about the idea of laying under the stars and getting lost in thought. It seems like such a small thing to do, something that would take up almost no time at all (especially compared to learning to play a musical instrument). But I say with regret that I've never taken the time out to just lay under the stars. It seems so simple. Pick up a blanket, lay it on the grass, and just lay there, but I've never made the time. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and hurry of every day life. We become so absorbed in the things we have to do all the time that we forget to just take a moment and slow down. Come to think of it, taking twenty minutes to lay down and think would probably help all of us. Laying there - watching the stars, listening to the breeze, feeling the crisp air, hearing the chirping of crickets - can be cathartic. We take for granted the moments where we don't have to do anything. More than that, laying under the stars can really put things into perspective. However great or beautiful or popular we think we are, in the grand scheme of things, we're really not. It's a big world out there. There are over six billion people on this Earth alone. We are a mere speck on the globe and an even smaller specimen in the galaxy. It's a crazy thing to think that our huge solar system is just a small part in this galaxy. Who knows how many more galaxies there are out there. If that doesn't put things into perspective, I don't know what does. Laying under the stars sounds like a form of therapy to me. Being relaxed and comfortable while thinking about your place in the world. Sure, we're a very small part of the big world, but in our own little worlds, we are important. Laying under the stars would give us a chance to slow down and think about that very place. And what sounds better than laying on a blanket on the ground and being completely relaxed? I'd say that's twenty minutes well spent.

#2 Learned To Play an Instrument

Aldous Huxley once said that "after silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." Music is something that is important to a lot of the people closest to me. Whether it is in the form of playing a musical instrument or having an iTunes collection consisting of thousands of songs, the people closest to me seem to have an inexplicable relationship with music. My closest connection to music is being part of my school's choir, during which I've always stared in awe at the director's ability to play any tune that is in front of her. I've always been amazed to see one of my friends pick up his guitar and figure out the proper cords to play after hearing a song just one time. I've always been blown away by the power that my friends carry in their voices. To them, music is a part of them that defines who they are. Ray Charles said, "I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my liver, my heart. Like my blood. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity - like food or water." I think it's a beautiful thing to have a connection to music. It's always something I wish I had. I envy those who can sit in front of a piano and just play or who can hit a high note like it's the easiest thing in the world. I wish my parents would've forced me to take those piano lessons that it seems like every kid has taken and hated at some point in his or her life. I wish I had the self-discipline to learn something like the violin or the cello, both beautiful and ornate instruments that when played have the ability to bring people to tears. When it comes down to it, I wish I had the talent to play an instrument. I fully admire anyone that can. Without these people and their talents, the world would be a much different place. Imagine life without music. Silence on the way to school in the morning, nothing to sing in the shower, Facebook statuses without mainstream lyrics (actually that one might not be too bad), no background music on all those movies we go see in the theaters, nothing to listen to when you're doing your homework or are just browsing the Internet aimlessly. Sounds like a pretty sad life to me. Literally. 

#1 Started a Blog

As I'm sitting here wondering how to start my first blog post, I've come up with no ideas. Seeing as I usually have a way with words, this is a little concerning. I suppose this is a start in itself! This blog is about all of the things I should've done and all of the things I should've said. I don't believe that anyone is without regret. Regret is a part of life, whether we like it or not. As I prepare to start a new chapter in my life, I find myself looking back on what the past four years of high school have been like for me. There are things I'm proud of. There are memories I look back upon fondly. There are people that I love and that I know will be a part of my life forever. But there are also things I regret. There are things I should've done. There are things I should've said. More than that, there are things that I want other high school girls to know. I hope that I can reach at least one person with this. That would be more than I could ever ask for. This may seem like just any other teenage girl's blog, and it is. But if I can reach one girl, I will have achieved my goal.

Things I Should've Done begins now. (Frankly it should've begun a long time ago.)