#15 Not Let Fear Get in the Way

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. This was during the Great Depression, arguably the darkest time in United States history, so clearly people had countless things to be afraid of. But unlike FDR, I can't say that fear is my only fear. Honestly, I don't think it's realistic. How many people do you know that really are fearless? People may say they are, but they're not. Fear comes in many shapes and sizes from a fear of spiders to a fear of disappointing someone you love. I say without shame that I have an irrational fear of pelicans for no other reason than that they're large and simply freak me out. Fear is nothing to be ashamed of or try to hide. It's a part of life. With fear, the trouble lies when it begins to prevent us from doing what we want or getting what we want out of life. Our fears should not stop us from doing anything. Sure, they may be an obstacle along the way, but they should never be walls. Fears should be speed bumps, not stop signs. In the past, my fear of pelicans has not stopped me from doing anything, but my fear of failure and fear of tarnishing my image has. When I asked people what they feared that prevents them from getting what they want, the overwhelming responses were failure and rejection. But while the answers were mostly the same, the reasoning behind the fear was different with each person. Here are some of these answers to the question: What is something you fear that prevents you from doing the things you want?

"That I will fail. That I will embarrass myself. That I will cause people to think less of me. That I will ruin my reputation."

"Failure plain and simple. I get scared I won't be able to do something and it makes me unable to do it."

"Fear of failure basically. Or maybe a fear of change... things that are different usually mess up my routine so I am out of my comfort zone even if it's something I really want."

"It's not fear of failure, but fear of failure when people know you failed. I'm afraid of failing and everyone knowing about it."

"Rejection or failure. Or that I'll regret doing the things I want to do."

"There isn't something specifically that I can say that I fear that prevents me from something. However, in the past I've forgotten to have faith and confidence in myself and that is what's kept me from doing things I want to do. I learned, though, believing in yourself is something you need to do because even if a million people believe in you, or even just one, it doesn't matter because your faith in yourself is the only faith that will allow you to do something. I fear not believing in my strengths and abilities to do anything I want to do."

"Rejection. I'm always scared people will think I'm weird or dumb if I do certain things - like sports or talk to people I usually don't."

"Fear of not getting the same feelings in return from someone (in any friendship/relationship). I also have a huge fear of needles but yeah, unhelpful."

"Rejection. I'll leave it at that. It's more dramatic."

"Other people's judgments. I've found it's easier for people to say bad things about people than good things, and people will not hesitate to judge your every move."

"Disappointment in general. I don't like disappointing anyone, especially if I care about the people."

"Well I can't stand failing at anything whether it be at school or sports. But as I grow older I've learned that in order to succeed I need to keep moving forward and can't let any setbacks keep me from achieving my goals."

"I fear rejection overall. Anything I've ever really wanted I look back and see that I didn't try my hardest to get it and I have no doubt that it's because I feared rejection."

"Letting others down. Because if I let myself down, I can fix it with myself later, but when you let someone else down, sometimes you can't bring that back up."

"Rejection. I still really care about someone in my life but I won't ever tell him because I'm afraid he'll reject me and our newly found friendship is too important to me. I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not have him in my life at all."

"The fear of failure. Or the fear of how people will look at me."

As you can see, it is our fears that have the most profound effect on what we do in our lives. As much as it does, it should not. Of course that's easier said than done, but what isn't in this life? My favorite words written about fear come from Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. You've probably heard them many times before because they've been everywhere - Akeelah and the Bee, Coach Carter, Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inauguration Speech, and the list goes on and on. But even though you've heard them before, read them again. Quite honestly, it gets me every time.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

To close, I say forget "Fear not." Go with "Fear; but let it not get in the way."

#14 Gotten Closer to My Classmates

At my school, retreats are a yearly staple. It marks a time once a year when we are able to come together as a class and just spend the day(s) together doing different things that change with the years. Seventh grade was about getting to know one another, eighth grade about learning about the issues that we all face, ninth grade about starting to figure out who we are, tenth grade about coming together to work for the community, and eleventh grade about getting to know one another once again. While the retreats changed every year (at the great hands of those in the Call to Ministry classes), one thing was always the same. We came together. And senior year was no exception. The entire theme of the retreat was community - learning to come together as a united senior class before the end of our high school journey. I've always enjoyed retreats, but this one struck me more than the others. We laughed together, cried together, played together, took chances together, sat under the stars together, apologized together, ate together, did everything together. To me it was one of the most beautiful things in the world. I can say with the utmost certainty that the three days spent at retreat last weekend were one of the best times I've had with my class. I can say with the utmost certainty that I've never felt closer to them. I can say with the utmost certainty that I wish I'd gotten closer to them all sooner. Being with them all made me realize how much I love them. I honestly don't know who I would be without them, and that's something that I wish they'd known sooner. When I say that I should've gotten closer to my classmates, I mean that I should've gotten closer to them earlier. They really are some of the most wonderful people I know, and I should've taken the time to know more of them. I think sometimes we are too quick to judge and we dismiss other people and in the end it hurts us. I know I was wrong about a lot of the people I see every day. Senior retreat taught me that it's never too late to get rid of those misjudgments and get to know the real person behind them. It's never too late to make a new friend - even if you are going to graduate in a few short months. Senior retreat was such an amazing experience for me because I was able to be with my classmates who I've come to love and appreciate so much over the years. Further than that, they helped me check off things from my high school bucket list. We apologized, we played around on jungle gyms and ran around looking for glow sticks like kids, we took chances and jumped off of ledges (harnessed, of course), and most importantly, we were together, and that was far more than I could've asked for.

#13 Wished You a Happy Valentine's Day

Diverting from the usual "things I should've done" post, I just want to take a minute to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! Know that whether or not you have a valentine, someone out there loves you. So what if it's not the person you wish was your boyfriend or girlfriend? So what if it's just your mom or your Golden Retriever? There's nothing wrong with that. Love comes in many forms, and Valentine's Day is not exclusive to couples, I promise. My mom has been a consistent valentine for me, (except for last year, but you're forgiven mom) and I find absolutely no shame in that. The first happy Valentine's Day wish I gave went to my dog, Tex. So to all of the girls who think you're forever alone, you're not. There is always someone out there that loves you, no matter who you are. Instead of Valentine's Day being a "Hallmark Holiday" that has become all about buying chocolate and flowers, why don't we make it about simply being with the people we love and who love us? That sounds like a holiday to me. But even then, isn't every day a day to celebrate love? My mom and Tex love me even when it's not Valentine's Day. My family loves me when it's not Valentine's Day. My friends love me when it's not Valentine's Day. (Well at least I hope they do.) Every day is a day to show the people in your life that you love them, not just Valentine's Day. One of the things that makes human beings so special is that they have the ability to love, so why not take advantage of that in whatever way possible? It's okay not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend on February 14th because there are other ways to love that don't come in the form of a significant other. (That's not to say it isn't okay to be a part of a couple, of course.) Today, on Valentine's Day, love your parents; love your siblings; love your friends; love your dog; love everyone. You are lucky to be able to love period. Think about that today. Think about that everyday.

Happy Valentine's Day!

#12 Changed Things

Writing these posts has made me realize something really important. Instead of just writing about the things I wish I'd done, why don't I do them? Yes, I write about my regrets, but there's always time to change them. It seems a little hypocritical of me to suggest that you all, my readers, do these things that I wish I'd done, but I don't do them myself. I think in writing these posts, I've become so absorbed in telling you guys to do these things that I haven't done that I've forgotten to even do them myself. The only way to get rid of regret is to change things for yourself. Doing these things I write about is the only way I can change them from being "the things I should've done" to "the things I did". That being said, I did one of the things I should've done last night. Remember my last post in which I wrote about being a kid again? Last night I was a kid again. Last night, three of my friends and I worked at an event held by the local community theater. It was a 1980s-themed "adult prom" held in order to raise funds for the theater in conjunction with the production of the '80s musical Xanadu. For starters, just the concept in itself sounded like so much fun to me, so I begged my friend who's a student member on the board of directors for the Playhouse to get me a spot on the staff for the night. He did, and so my night of childhood experiences began. We got to the event early, so we decided to leave and go get ourselves some ice cream (see #3 on my list of ways to be a kid again) even though it was cold outside. (Well cold for where I live anyway.) On our way out, a race to the car ensued (see #6 on my list of ways to be a kid again). Now, I'm not the most athletic, but everyone loves a good race, even me. There's something about racing that creates such incredible adrenaline that you really can't help but smile. Oh, the best part of that race? Seeing one of my friends slip and fall like a champ. I know I shouldn't have laughed, but there's something hilarious about seeing a friend fall. It's even funnier when you thought it was a joke and find out that she actually fell for real. After we got our ice cream and patched up my klutz friend's knee, we returned to the event that was just about to begin. Three hours later, I'd heard the longest string of '80s songs I'd ever heard, seen adults who are usually so composed let loose and be kids themselves, and danced to songs I'd never heard before with those adults. I have to say, it was the easiest money I'd ever made. I got to spend most of my time dancing and having fun and only a small amount of time cleaning up cups and plates and dissembling chairs. What better way to spend your time? But by far my favorite part of the night came after the event was over and most of the adults had gone home. Our boss for the night told us we were free to go so on our way back to the car, we stopped at the swing set that's in the park next to the theater (see #10 on my list of ways to be a kid again). At this point, it was 12:30 AM so, of course, there was no one around. My friends and I took full advantage of this and played around on the swings for a good twenty minutes. I won't lie, my first thought was "Why am I doing this? It's cold outside and I have a lace shirt on. I want to go home and go to sleep." But once I was numbed from the cold, I had a lot of fun. There I was in dress pants and nice shoes, just out of working an event, on a swing set in the middle of the night. Being on the swing set with some of my closest friends made me really happy. Not only was I happy because I was with friends, but also I was happy because I was doing something that I'd told myself I should've done. Being in dress pants on a swing set, I proved to myself that I was right with my last post. It is always possible to be a kid again, no matter where you are in life. I'm almost 18 and I can still act like a child, and the adults at the event were able to throw themselves back to their youth with the '80s theme. Yesterday was such a good day for me because I realized how important it is for me to do the things I wish I'd done. I was a kid again, and so were the adults at the event. So why not turn regret into action? We really do have all the time in the world. 

#11 Been a Kid

I've always been slightly on the uptight side. As much as I wish I wasn't, I've always been a little serious. While being serious can sometimes be a good thing, it can also be a harrowing thing. It may have helped me when I was at school, but outside of school, being serious has - many a time - prevented me from just letting loose and having fun. I can't really remember a time when I was just free or when I was just being a kid. My earliest memories were of reading books by myself, not of watching the television shows that all of my friends talk about that they remember from their childhoods or running around in the sprinklers. Kids really are the best teachers because they haven't developed bad habits, fears, or defenses that we build up over time. Now that it's taken me this long to realize that I've wasted my childhood away, I hope that I can be a kid before I have to grow up for real. I want the next couple months to be about doing things just for the fun of it - no reason necessary. Yes, I had a childhood, and yes, it was a good one, but I stopped being a kid far earlier than I should've. I'm still a kid now, so I want to stop being so serious all the time. But how am I going to do this? How can we all be kids again? Just doing the simplest, silliest of things can bring back the child in all of us. Here's a list I've compiled of ways to do so. (And I'm going to make it my mission to do these things as soon as possible.)

1. Make a funny face at a stranger. Everyone likes a funny face. You'll definitely make yourself laugh, and you may just make someone else laugh too. 

2. Go to bed early. Put down everything you're doing - that phone, that computer, that book - and just go to sleep. Kids hate bedtime, but once they're asleep, they're gone.

3. Eat ice cream for dinner. You can afford not to worry about your waistline for one night.

4. Color or draw something. Bring out one of your old coloring books if you still have them. The old ones are way better than the new ones.

5. Skip down the hallway. You may look silly when you're doing it, but the personal satisfaction you get from skipping anywhere is enough to overshadow the odd looks on everyone's faces. 

6. Have a race. (I've actually done this one before. Who am I kidding? I do this practically every day with one of my friends on our way to English class. Best. Thing. Ever.) Or, crazy idea, you could have a skipping race!

7. Set off fireworks. Let out your inner-pyromaniac! What's more fun than blowing something up and seeing pretty colors?

8. Dance to an old song in your room. Is that a boy-band song I hear?

9. Have a water balloon fight with your friends. Just make sure no one wears white.

10. Find a swing set. I think the quickest way to feel like a kid again is getting on a swing and feeling the oscillation with the wind in your hair and without a care in the world. 

Growing up can really be a scary thing, but I find comfort in the fact that you can always be a kid at heart. It is my great hope that I can feel like a kid again before I have to go off and be an adult. Every so often I fear that I'm not a fun person. Hopefully doing the things on this list can make me the fun, spontaneous person I wish to be. We can afford not to spend every waking hour being serious and uptight. Growing up doesn't mean getting boring. Besides, who wouldn't want to eat ice cream for dinner and have a water balloon fight?

#10 Apologized

I'm sorry. Two simple words. One big meaning. Arguably two of the toughest words to say to someone. Everyone wishes they'd apologized for something they did or said at some point in their life. Big or small, apologies count for something. I don't think it's ever too late to apologize, contrary to what OneRepublic has to say on the matter. Knowing a person is sorry for something they did can make you feel so much better, no matter how long ago it was. I wish I'd apologized for unnecessarily hating someone in my life. This person never did anything to me but be totally nice and I just hated them. I hated them because of what they indirectly caused me. I wish I could take back the hatred, but at this point, I can't. But I can apologize. If you're reading this right now and if you know who you are, I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to hate you when you did absolutely nothing wrong to me. Moving right along, learning to apologize is a valuable skill for anyone. Being able to swallow your pride and admit that you're wrong is extremely important in this life. Apologizing can make you feel better too. There's something freeing about getting an apology off your chest, kind of like I did just now! Like I said, everyone wishes they'd apologized for something. Here are some of the responses I got to the question: What do you wish you'd apologized for?

"I wish I would've apologized for holding a grudge for more than two years and postponing what could've been a great friendship."

"I wish I would've apologized to my mom for putting her through hell my freshman and sophomore years. I should've realized that she knew more than I thought and that I should've taken more of her advice to heart. I want to tell her sorry for doubting her and causing her many sleepless and stress-filled nights because of our fighting."

"I wish I would've apologized for not swallowing my pride and being there when it mattered most."

"I wish I would've apologized for choosing my friend's ex over her even though I knew how much it upset her."

"I wish I'd apologized to a certain person if I ever hurt him because now I can't apologize to him."

"I feel like apologizing every time I say something mean to someone, especially when I'm just kidding."

"I'm sorry to anyone I ever hurt just because I didn't think about what I was saying."

"I wish I'd apologized for being such a bully to a great friend and making her feel horrible about herself."

"I wish I'd apologized for overreacting."

"I wish I'd apologized for being mean to a certain person in middle school."

"I wish I'd apologized to my sister for not being the best older sister possible. I'd let her know that I love her even if she doesn't think I do. I feel bad about it because I only have so much time with her before I grow up and I feel as if I've made a huge mistake by not having a good relationship with her."

"I wish I'd apologized for not being trusting with my friends and waiting to become close to them."

"I wish I didn't say sorry so much because I take the blame for things that aren't my fault."

"I wish I'd apologized to my parents for being rude, inconsiderate, and leaving them when it's a 'family day' any opportunity I get."

"I wish I'd apologized for excessively picking on my friends."

While these apologies are anonymous, I suspect that some of you will know who some of these apologies are from. That's the beauty of it. Maybe now is the time to say sorry for something you wish you'd apologized for a long time ago. And who knows? Perhaps this can mend fences. Always remember, just as regret has no gender, neither does remorse. I'm sorry. Two small words. One big meaning.